“I promise to never love a man more than myself, for my spiritual sake as well as his.”
The above quote can be kind of shocking. I can’t tell you how many relationships I’ve seen messed up because the above quote wasn’t practiced.
As always, please remember that when I talk about relationship advice it applies to gay, straight, lesbian, etc. couples. You can substitute the words “man” or “woman” or “male” or “female” for “masculine” or “feminine”.
The truth is, no matter what your sexual preference or orientation, for there to be love and passion in a relationship there needs to be a masculine presence and a feminine presence. It doesn’t matter which gender or person is which, all that matters is that there be opposite energies.
And when it comes to the feminine role in relationships, self-love – or the lack there of, has created more pain in well-intended relationships that just about any other source.
You see, the feminine partner is the one that must be cherished emotionally. After meeting thousands of women from all walks of life, the one thing that remains true is that in order for her to have a solid relationship (if she identifies as the feminine in the relationship) – is that she must feel safe.
Intimacy cannot happen without a feeling of feeling safe first.
That means that before she lets her biochemistry and curiosity kick in, before she decides to sleep with her masculine partner, she must love and trust herself enough to make the proper selection. Many times, the feminine partner has to go through a lot of pain before she loves herself this much.
But how can she?
Well, Dr. Allen has a great practice that I want to share with you on the blog today.
Simple: do not sleep with a man (or masculine partner) until they have given you a monogamous commitment.
If that scares him away, good – let him go. You found out his true intentions before there was any damage done.
Also, men need about eight weeks for their minds to be made up. What’s that mean? It means that if you haven’t heard from him after eight weeks, it’s over.
But, if there is a guy you really like and you set this boundary, he may be back.
Why? Masculine people tend to learn from the pain of separation from their partner.
If you set a boundary of no sex before a commitment, and he doesn’t commit – it doesn’t mean he won’t. It means he needs to think about it.
So give him eight weeks to think about it. If he comes back, he will realize that you are the one, and he will cherish you because you loved yourself more than you loved him.
If you decide to have sex with a masculine partner before he commits to being monogamous, you have set yourself up to not only not get your needs met of feeling cherished, but also you are training him about how much you value yourself.
Sex is glorified in our culture today. However, sex remains the most sacred and personal offering that two people can share together.
If you can’t seem to find a man to commit, it may not be because men don’t want to commit, it may be because it’s time to raise your standards of what you will allow in your romantic life.
Oh, and if you are a female who wants a masculine male partner – this rule is even more important because it can take up to 2 years to detox from a man that you sleep with. Why? Because of oxytocin – the bonding love drug.
So, isn’t it time to love yourself enough to get a commitment and savor the waiting until you do?
Remember, wait eight weeks, and if he hasn’t come back, he’s gone.
In the comments below, let me know what new standards you are going to set in your romantic life – or if you’ve set these standards before and it’s worked, please share your success story.
I want nothing more than for you to find, create and cultivate epic romance in your life this year – you deserve it.
Lots of LOVE,
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